|
TO
ME , "EGO" is a sense of oneself as an individual, a
distinct "me" in relationship to the world. It's a water
droplet in the ocean. To the degree that the water droplet
is aware that it exists as part of something greater
than itself, it has a spacious ego-identity. There is
a joy and freedom and sense of awe that comes of experiencing
one's vastness and belonging to the whole of life.
The
idea of ego as a bad thing is a misunderstanding of
our spiritual potentials. There is nothing inherently
negative in experiencing oneself as a discrete "me"
and expressing individual characteristics. People who
accuse others of displays of ego are usually using this
as a cover to say "I don't like you" or "I don't like
what you said." This has nothing to do with the
size of egos; it's just interpersonal conflict. The
word "egotism" gets thrown into concepts of ego, thus
muddling the concept further. An egotist is self-centered
(my dictionary defines it as "devoted to his own interests
and advancement") and flaunts an attitude of superiority
which can be abrasive to others.
In
my opinion, the problem isn't having a sense of "me."
It's being unconscious to so much of myself and the
world. When my self-awareness expands, so does my awareness
of everything else because it's all interrelated and
inseparable. The more conscious I become, the more magical
and surprising and incredible life reveals itself to
be. To the degree that I shut down my consciousness,
I experience myself and the world around me in a sort
of stupor of "normality" where things are pretty much
predictable and "same old, same old." In that shut-down
state, I'm oblivious to my connection with everything
else in existence. I may intellectually know I'm connected,
but I don't experience it.
When
I'm in my most constricted ego identity, my perceptions
get frozen around whatever story I'm telling myself
about who I am and what is happening. In that
sense, I agree that "your beliefs create your reality."
When you're hunkered down into a tight little mental
scenario you've concocted to explain yourself to yourself,
you're living inside a privately scripted world which
is "reality" only to you. This is where most of us are
in ordinary consciousness. But when you open up and
begin to experience life and yourself as something beyond
anything you believed or ever dreamed to be true, you
realize that your beliefs were obstacles which prevented
you from awakening. I don't mean so-called negative
or limiting beliefs, but any beliefs whatsoever.
All beliefs are defenses against direct perception and
experiential knowledge. By this I mean that beliefs
create a distance between what is and what we tell ourselves
"is," so instead of being immediately and intimately
engaged in life, we live as spectators, standing on
the sidelines delivering a narration of what we think
we're perceiving. It is very, very, hard not to do this,
even in powerful mystical/altered states. And as with
the ego, there is nothing inherently bad about doing
it. It just reduces the spectacular vitality of life
and keeps us in the role of commentator rather than
true initiate.
I'm
not saying that to live fully requires us to turn off
our minds or never try to articulate our experiences,
ideas, and perceptions. These have their value, but
can't compare to direct experience. It's the difference
between saying the words "I love you" and actually feeling
the overflowing heart of loving. (Yes, sometimes they
are simultaneous, but often not.) Angelique wrote: "Part
of the difference is [that] the process of 'thinking
about' is replaced by a Zen-silent mind that acts without
thinking. Goddess does the thinking, and the body is
a vessel of that Will." This is the "no-mind" or hollow-
tube way of direct, unobstructed experience. If you're
not at that level of clarity and ability to vacate the
mind at will, it can also be done as a brave and curious
explorer, letting life reveal itself to us moment by
moment rather than trying to lead it with our expectations
and preconceived notions of what things mean.
So,
in my opinion, if you want to experience quantum leaps
in spiritual growth and awareness, forget about dropping
your ego and work at dropping your beliefs. Better yet,
ignore anything I or anyone else says to do and let
life/Spirit show you the way.
Copyright 2000 El Collie
El
Collie publishes the Shared
Transformation website. |
