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  EXPERIENCE
 

Autobiography of a Monk
By Shri Acharya Abhidhyanananda Avadhuta

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Years Alone

 

Alone and unencumbered with organizational restrictions, I felt free and ready to start a new phase in my life. I knew that I had learned enough to continue work on myself. In any case, finding a suitable Western teacher would have been a challenging affair at that time. And I did not want to spend my valuable time looking for (and spend years learning to communicate with) a teacher from an alien culture. Consequently, relying on my own resources seemed to be the thing to do, and I did not look for another mentor.

In any event, after the turbulent years with my master, I needed a period of rest and introspection -- a period to recapitulate what I had learned and try to integrate it into my life. I settled in a quiet town in the Sierra Mountain foothills of California and spent time contemplating, resting, going to movies, talking to friends and sharing my life with spiritual colleagues.

While many events transpired during these years, my main task during this period was to learn the practical meaning of Guru Yoga. After years of meditation training, I began to pierce the outward expression of my master -- his body, mind, emotions, personality -- and find the Divine that was always hidden behind it. The Supreme Being is at the core of us all but It is especially manifest in the chosen ideal (Is't'a), which in tantra yoga practice is always the physical form of the guru who is, for the disciple, the most potent symbol of self-realization. As I pierced my master's worldly expression, both the Creation and the Creator merged -- They were never really separate. At that point there seemed to be little left to strive for because I began to have a recurring experience of Abhidhyan Yoga, which is, of course, at the root of my teachings and my sannyasi (monastic) name. My guru had been a master of foresight...

My master concluded this period of my life with a visit one night. He looked deep into my eyes... Then he smacked and stroked me on my back near the heart and said: "I am your tantra!" It took two months for the ecstasy of his visitation to wear off.

 

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This page was published on Realization.org on May 25, 2000.


Copyright 2001 Realization.org. All rights reserved.