CHAPTER 2

August 1994

STARTING IN LATE AUGUST, I began sitting with Lawrence and Ardeliza for their usual Friday night meditation and satsang. I was astounded by the transmission there, even though the first night I went there were only four of us in total, and the other guy, I learned later, was Lawrence's brother Randall. But I figured that two realizers were better than one -- more is better, right? In the ensuing weeks, more people came, many of whom I was surprised to find to be fellow 7 Keyers. Though my impulse to community of any cultic form was truly burned out by my involvement in the Free Daist Communion, I felt that the camaraderie with the people who became regulars were people to whom I could very much relate and with whom I seemed to share a common level of insight. In other words, we were tuned into a very incredible wavelength from the transmission we felt.

Later in September I began sitting with Saniel, and I found it remarkable how much he had changed. He had seemed like a disturbed character to me while in FDC (disturbance that most of us shared there because of the cultic mentality and the insane rantings of Love-Ananda), but now he seemed to be free of that particular disturbance and seemed much stronger to me. In the first meeting, we spoke about the fire of self-damnation that occurs with leaving Love-Ananda, a psychic gauntlet that all former devotees must run through and get out of their systems.

What was particularly brilliant and "leading edge" about Saniel, Lawrence, and Ardeliza was their teaching of the embrace of all phenomena, both "internal" and "external." Nothing was profane or judged. Even though this was similar to the teaching of Love-Ananda, it certainly wasn't practiced in his community. Moreover, in most traditions and schools which I have read, certain behaviors, trains of thought, ideas, and philosophies were grossly or subtly preferred and rewarded over others, always creating "shadows" within those schools. My own feelings of the brilliance and superiority of this process of "accept and embrace" was reflected in what these three musketeers were talking; even the "demon" of reaction towards events was embraced. It felt to me that this was Tantra at its essence, and in effect a place where one could completely rest, as everything and every part and aspect of oneself was simply allowed to arise and fall from and into Being. It seemed to me that this was an advanced and "rapid" path towards awakening and not one that everyone would be ready for -- but for me it was perfect timing.

I began to sit regularly with Saniel on Sundays in addition to the Friday evenings with Lawrence and Ardeliza. They seemed to be brothers (and sister) in an incredible transmission; one week Saniel seemed more profound, other times Lawrence and Ardeliza. In the beginning the transmission directly struck me on the right side of the heart with such intensity that I felt that I would crack. The heat of this wonderful process, almost purely initiated with satsang, brought to me many wonderful insights that were undeniable, too numerous to name here. The first few times that I sat in satsang, I would lie in bed trying to sleep that night with my body suffused in light and shakti energy. It was remarkable how powerful the transmission was for me from all three of them. I began a career of shakti-insomnia that often plagues me to this day.

On November 11th, Anne began to sit with Lawrence and Ardeliza, which was such a wonderful thing for me, and the beginning of a big healing process for her. It is such a relief to have a spouse in synch with you regarding what is really important in life (in fact it seems crucial for a relationship to survive). I felt really close to Lawrence, and feelings of devotion and caring arose for both of them. What was also wonderful was that they were practically around the block from us, and in fact, we can see their house from our vantage point on the hill where we live. As I began sitting regularly with Lawrence and Ardeliza on Fridays, their transmissions would take turns pulverizing me in their intensities. Time after time, I was amazed by how such ordinary-looking folks could be such a potent point of spiritual transmission. I envisioned a realizer in every neighborhood in the world, working in small groups. So far, Greenbrae and Santa Venetia of Marin county are covered!!

New and Recent
October 2000

Showing Respect for Ramana by Elena Gutierrez. October 10.

The Gospel of Thomas translated by Stephan Patterson and Marvin Meyer. September 14

Sanskrit Language Texts compiled by Nadine Berardi. September 14.

Autobiography of an Indian Monk reviewed by Laura Olshansky. September 10.

Zen and the Brain reviewed by Gary Schouborg. September 7.

Prayer to My Guru, Sri Sri Sri Sivabalayogi Maharaj by Charlie Hopkins. September 6.

The Laser Swami by Thomas Ashley-Farrand. July 1.

How Will I Know If I'm Really Meditating? by John S. Anderson. June 30.

What Ramana's I-I Feels Like by Anonymous. June 12.

Self-Enquiry by Ramana Maharshi. June 9

Isa Upanishad translated by F. Max Müller. June 4.

Sexuality and Spiritual Awakening by Bonnie Greenwell, Ph.D. June 1.

Kena Upanishad translated by F. Max Müller. May 31.

Prasna Upanishad translated by F. Max Müller. May 30.

Sat-Cakra-Nirupana by Purnananda Swami. May 26.

Autobiography of a Monk by Shri Acharya Abhidhyanananda Avadhuta. May 25.

The Dance by Rev. Maureen Heffernan. May 23.

To Be and Not to Be: The Koan of the Ego by El Collie. May 23.

Aitareya Upanishad translated by F. Max Müller. May 21.

What We Learn in the Dark by Gary Schouborg. May 21.

Ellam Ondre by Vijai R. Subramaniyam. May 20.

The Way to Practice Vipassana Meditation by Sayadaw U Pandita Bhivamsa. May 20.

Finding a Teacher by Puran Bair. May 19.

Yoga Sutras by Patanjali. May 19.

Katha Upanishad translated by F. Max Müller. May 18.

I Need To Feel You Every Moment In My Heart by Charlie Hopkins. May 18.

Crest Jewel of Wisdom by Sankara. May 16.

Turning Blue: Natural Pranayama by Freddie Yam. May 15.